Sophie: Do your eyebrows go grey, too?
Me: Yes, and so do your pubic hair.
MIL: Yeah, but you can just shave that, it’s the style.
My daughter Sophie is 15 and even though it might be a little traumatic to hear the facts of life delivered from her mother and grandmother instead of Twitter, it’s important she knows what to expect.
Chances are, you don’t make it to close to 40 without dabbling in a little hair color. If you are one of those lucky women who don’t have grey hair in your genetics, I secretly hate you a little. I have been coloring my hair for a very long time. Unfortunately I don’t remember when it crossed the line from recreational to essential. The last time I went to my hairdresser, I was told my hair was getting more coarse. This was code for “you’re overrun with grey, I need to charge you more.”
Truth be told, it’s not the hair on my head that is so traumatizing. It’s totally the hair down there. Unlike my child, it never crossed my mind hair would grey on other parts of my body until I actually discovered one. Even though my own husband’s thick mound of chest hair could rival Santa Clause himself, I didn’t see greying body hair as something applicable to me.
After going through the 7 phases of grief and accepting my fate, I realized my options were limited.
Grey Pubic Hair Solutions
Remove it. Like my mother in law advises, you can always just get rid of it. My hairdresser warned me years ago to never pluck grey hairs on my head because eventually it all turns grey. When it comes to the downtown area, it’s really not an issue. Unless, of course, 70’s bush comes back into fashion. In any case, I’d suggest a merkin that isn’t grey.
Color it. There are dyes specifically formulated for pubic hair. I’d recommend following directions and being really careful when you are are next to your tender vittles, but I have confidence it won’t turn out worse than my Sun-In experiment of 1989.
Live with it. A lot of women go grey gracefully, upstairs and downstairs.
I am not one of them.